Tuesday, October 22, 2019

Are Limiting Beliefs Affecting Your Romantic Relationships?

Today we are going to have a conversation about limiting beliefs, also known as self-defeating beliefs,  and how they affect romantic relationships. If you are a millennial, I am sure you may have heard of the term limiting belief circling around ---- If you are not a millennial do not feel left out, it will all make sense at the end. While doing research for this article, I came across the simplest definition and explanation of a limiting belief from Allison Fallon’s blog https://allisonfallon.com/limiting-beliefs/ and it reads, “a limiting belief is something you believe to be true about yourself, about others and about the world that limits you in some way. These beliefs may hold you back from taking chances, keep you blind to opportunities  in your path, prevent you from accepting gifts offered to you, or simply keep you stuck focusing on the negative aspect of your circumstances.” I really love the fact that she included this line in her article because I could not have wrote it better, “The challenge with limiting beliefs is most of us don’t think we have them and they can be really hard to spot.  In this article, I will help you to become aware of the limiting beliefs affecting your romantic relationships and get rid of them.

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How to Spot Limiting Beliefs Affecting Romantic Relationships


I shared my story in details about how I did this myself in my book, Rewrite your History: A Personal Guide to Freedom available on Kindle as an e-book; you can also purchase a paperback copy on Amazon. In my work on myself, I found out that the limiting beliefs affecting my romantic relationships were stemming from my parents relationship. Yours could be from your single girlfriends, a family member, an advisor, your ex, your current romantic partner or a friend you trust. It can also come from the music you listen to, the TV shows you watch or any other form of media you consume. The following is a list of some of the limiting beliefs you may have: there are no good men out there; all men are liars and cheaters; all men will cheat; (expletive) ain’t shit; men will always leave; rich men (people) are evil; I’m going to be lonely for the rest of my life.


This is a very limited list but if you believe any of these lines, any variation of these ideas, any negative beliefs that you have surrounding romantic relationships are limiting beliefs that will in turn create life experiences aligned with those beliefs and ideas. For example, if you believe that there are no good men out there, all the men showing up in your life experiences will behave badly or show you that they are no good because that is what you are creating in your thoughts. Those same men could go to a woman who does not have these beliefs and he will act totally different towards her. The next time you say or think something negative towards romantic relationship, ask yourself if it is something you would like to experience in your reality.


How to Get Rid of Limiting Beliefs Affecting Romantic Relationships


In order to get rid of limiting beliefs, you have to create new beliefs. But how are beliefs formed or created anyways? According to Skilled at Life (http://www.skilledatlife.com/how-beliefs-are-formed-and-how-to-change-them/) , beliefs are generally formed in two ways: by our personal life experiences, conclusions, deductions and inferences; or by accepting what others tell us to be true.” For example, if you have the belief that there aren’t any good men out there” maybe you think your father is not a good man which would be a conclusion you created based on your perception of your life experience with your father. From that belief about your father, you attracted men who are no good throughout your dating experiences. Maybe you read posts multiple times on Facebook about how bad men are which is an example of believing what someone tell us (the world on Facebook). Maybe you see how badly men behave on your favorite reality TV shows or movies and you are in turn creating the same experience in your reality.


How to Form New Beliefs on Romantic Relationships


Now that we know how to create or form a belief we are going to create empowering beliefs that will propel our romantic lives forward. I would recommend starting with repeating positive phrases about relationships to yourself. You can also form new beliefs with repetition and affirmations. The bible and most religious text teach us the power in what we speak and our thoughts. When you start to speak those words, you will start to create the positive romantic relationship experiences in your life which will serve as a form of life experience. The more you do this, the more you will create positive romantic relationship experiences and before you know it, you have created a new belief system on romantic relationships. So to do this I would recommend the following lines, any positive lines you can imagine or positive romantic experiences you want to create in your life:

  • I always have the best time on a date
  • I am in love with a man who loves, spoils and adores me
  • My man is very caring
  • Men love to spoil me
  • I am married to my dream man
In a relationship you can find creative ways to use those lines with your man, make sure it is sincere and at the right time. For example, if he brought you food from some place, you can say, honey you are so caring, thank you for feeding me. Watch how he reacts in that moment and watch him try to do more little things for you because he loves to hear those words.


If you are not in a relationship, you can still use those lines or any positive combinations you can come up with. When you repeat those positive, kind and loving words pay attention to your heart and how it feels. Practice is key. It took many years for you to create the beliefs you have now, it will take practice to get a new belief system on romantic relationships.


Consume Positive Media about Romantic Relationships


Finally, I would recommend consuming positive media about romantic relationships. I know it may be hard to do this and it will take a lot of will power but positive media on romantic relationships are out there and you should consider consuming more of them. I am not talking about the Disney type where your prince charming will ride on a horse to come save you, I am talking about non magical positive media about romantic relationships. For example, listening to positive beautiful love songs made a huge impact in my journey to get rid of the limiting beliefs I had about romantic relationships.


Please share your stories with us and If you have any suggestions about anything you did to get rid of limiting beliefs affecting your romantic relations, leave them in the comments below.


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